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Joke of the Day

"Why are pigs such early risers? Did you ever try to shut off a rooster?"

"My girlfriend told me she enjoys sex more while on holiday. I tell you that was an awkward postcard to receive"

"I was actually president of the anti-voting club in high school ... I never got re-elected"

"I never did think of myself as beautiful, terribly attractive, yes, but not beautiful."

"Remember when you were a kid and the teacher said you can be anything you want to be? Luckily I chose lower middle class and overweight."

"I told a girl she had drawn her eyebrows on too high... She looked surprised."

"The grass looks greener on the other side because it's fertilized with bullshit."

"I know you're not supposed to question doctors, but it's weird how my dentist keeps insisting on checking my prostate."

"Just tell me which one is wrong! The user ID or the password???"

"Why was the ink happy? Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening."