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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes when life closes one door it opens another, because apparently life is trying to air condition the whole damned neighborhood."

"I'm going back to my surgeon to get my dressing changed tomorrow. Or, to put it another way... I'm seeking redress from the man who cut me."

"What do you call it when an Asian's imaginary friend dies? Make-bereave"

"Moses: Thanks for the mana in the desert. God: No problem. Moses: But since you can make anything- God: FOR THE LAST TIME, NO PIZZA."

"What's red and smells like yellow paint? Red paint"

"What did the /r/science mod say to the user? [removed]"

"Angel: God.. Were you drunk creating last night? God: no..... Angel: *holds up platypus God: a little.."

"Knock knock Who's there Olivia Olivia who? Olivia, so let me in my bloody house!"

"I want to be as annoying as a vegetarian but still eat meat so I'm telling people I only eat chicken. I'm calling myself a ""poultrivore""."

"What does a duck like to have for breakfast? Quacker Oats"