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Joke of the Day

"Santa probably regrets giving coal Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty children now that global warming is threatening his habitat."

"How many politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You hold the lightbulb and every politician screws you!"

"Q: What did the can say to the can opener? A: You make me flip my lid."

"Today I broke my personal best record of most consecutive days alive."

"Ohh, no thanks. I have seen a baby before"

"There should be a support group for people who have touched a wet door knob in a public bathroom."

"I'm a lot like a pair of testicles. Cause I'm nuts in the sack."

"So it is my anniversary I couldn't think of what to get her... But I finally settled on a plunger, because bitches love bringing up old shit"

"I'm drinking some pretty average tea... It's Mediocritea."

"when the lady in the elevator burst into tears I did the only thing a man could do in the situation. I fell to the floor and played dead."