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Joke of the Day

"The REAL reason Bin Laden was buried at sea: Maggots have standards."

"Wow, this is a pretty shit joke... ...said no one ever."

"Roses are red violets are blue celery is green bees are black and yellow please help me I can't stop pumpkins are orange satan is vermillion"

"Hey Young Girls, when a first date suggests you two go to ""your place"", take him to Target."

"30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown"

"If you don't swear when you're driving, you aren't paying enough attention to the road."

"It's fine if you wanna shoot a buncha folks as long as you start with yourself. That's my only rule about it."

"Why did the cz-75 get the girl pregnant? It took too long to pull out."

"What do you call a retarded five year old chained to a slab with his asshole lubed up? ""Daddy."""

"I wanted to watch the inauguration today But Eisenhower late."