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Joke of the Day

"Why did the sea-monster eat 5 ships filled with potatoes? Because no one can eat just one potato ship."

"Say one positive thing about your opponent Well...he does convert oxygen into carbon dioxide which helps trees grow."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't call him anything because he won't come running anyhow."

"Not sure if I should be more concerned about the son who locked me out of my bedroom today, or the one who showed me how to pick the lock."

"In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering ""I don't know how you eat that shit""."

"On talk shows, whenever the celebrity guest takes a casual sip from their branded mug, I like to imagine it's full of blood"

"What is the difference between a dancer and a duck? One goes quick on her beautiful legs the other goes quack on her beautiful legs."

"I wear Lacoste shirts with the little crocodile on them because when shit goes down I want crocodiles to know that I'm on their side."

"When I was in college, I used to have sex almost EVERY DAY... ...almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday..."

"I hate when you're trying to be cheesy but everyone is laughtose intolerant."