83051

Joke of the Day

"""THIS SUB CAN'T EVEN HANDLE ME RIGHT NOW!!!""-what i just screamed in subway as i spit black olives all over a 7 year old."

"At home: I want to go out, I want friends. When I go out: I want to go home, I hate people."

"[commercial] ""I'm tired of fruits that taste good."" Narrator: GRAPEFRUIT"

"Glad the lady in front of me decided at the last second to stop at the yellow light as I prefer to eat my fries from the dashboard."

"Michael Cera, too timid to send his food back even though he's allergic to almonds, eats a meal and politely goes into anaphylactic shock."

"What's a Trump supporter's favorite topic? Hillary Clinton."

"NSFW My sister tried pranking me today She tried the ""I'm pregnant"" prank. I didn't fall for it of course, because I know I always use protection."

"Mark Ruffalo Went into a Job Interview The interviewer asked ""What's your strong suit?"" ""Oh, you know, the Hulk costume."""

"What do you call a shish-kebab at a fancy restaurant? A Shish-ke-Robert"

"How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. Five. One."