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Joke of the Day

"I wish people would move over a bit in their selfies. We're redecorating a bathroom and looking for ideas."

"The little lizard was shocked when he found out how he was conceived. Anole sex"

"Why isn't Edward leaving Russia? ...because he's snowed in."

"{about to have sex} Her: *seductively kicks off heels and rips open blouse Me: *panics as I look for a spot to set down my half eaten taco"

"What do fat chicks and brick walls have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans."

"So I ordered some General Pao chicken They gave me a bowl of false promises."

"What did the plant say to the other plant that it really liked alot? let me be your *soil*mate"

"A very pixelated Loch Ness Monster showed up at my door... He said ""Imma need about 8-bitty."""

"when it's april 2nd and she still pregnant"

"If I was a cop, I would write the word 'Influence' on a bridge, and pull over anyone that drives under it."