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Joke of the Day

"""It's terminal-"" GOD! HOW LONG DO I HAVE? ""Departure time is in three hours."" THREE? WHAT DO I DO? ""This is an airport."" SO WHAT? I'M DYING!"

"Why are all castles disabled? They all have tur-rets"

"Shouldn't octopus apendages be called eightacles?"

"1st vampire: How things? 2nd vampire: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I'm overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood bank."

"What is it like to eat out an old grandma? Depends."

"I mean, if Marie Antoinette didn't want her head cut off, maybe there should've been actual cake. ~ Why I was kicked off the debate team"

"Did you hear about the basketball tournament in Mexico? Its Juan vs. Juan"

"Me: *gets on scale* 5yo: Whoa! That's a lot of points!"

"I met a new girl in work today, and she was a vegan I've never seen herbivore"

"Ferguson jokes... Are always a riot."