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Joke of the Day

"I mean, if Marie Antoinette didn't want her head cut off, maybe there should've been actual cake. ~ Why I was kicked off the debate team"

"How many seconds are there in one year? 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd."

"The inauguration is today... Trump: Unprecedented Obama: Un-Presidented"

"Did you hear about the reusable condoms? When you're done, turn them inside out and shake the fuck out of them."

"I really admire what Caitlyn Jenner did Took some balls"

"My doctor had to put me on a new medication that's supposed to help lower the amount of karate in my blood"

"What is a long room with many doors called? I'm not sure, I hallways forget"

"Why is there no volume control on the microwave? Must it always wake the entire house when I'm trying to quietly nuke the last of the pizza?"

"My uncle died from a turtle stampede. It was a slow death."

"Why can't Jesus eat m&ms? they keep falling through. If you aren't offended. Swap out black Jesus and skittles. Happy Easter."