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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Christian who comes to your door to sell you vacuum cleaners? A Jehoover's Witness"

"If there's one thing I like better than paying bills, it's anything else."

"I wish my new best friend from Spain came with subtitles, because pittbull only taught me uno do tres cuatro..."

"Car trouble, miss? Allow me to squint, and posture heroically while staring at your labyrinthine engine as panic cascades through my spine."

"Some people say putting helium in animals is wrong, I say whatever floats your goat."

"Peter Jackson just found a postcard JRR Tolkien wrote his nephew in 1938. He's turning it into 22 nine-hour films."

"What do you call a Chinese pilot? A pilot you racist!"

"What did the sluts left leg say to her right leg? Nothing, they never met."

"Waving my hand impatiently in front of the automatic door sensor so everyone knows I am too important to wait for electricity."

"Why is one floor taller than the rest of the floors in the building? It's a long story."