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Joke of the Day

"Why did the egg get a ticket from a lady police officer? Because he was picking up good vibrations."

"Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife? Because he hasn't."

"Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away? You would run away too if you name was ""MMMMMMMMMUUUUUUAAAAAAHHHHHHH."""

"And god said to John ""Come forth, and I will grant you with eternal life."" But John came 5th and won a toaster instead."

"What do you call someone you want to be stepped on by? A crush crush"

"I think the closest I've come to playing romantic music at a girl's window is when I forgot to turn down ""Eye Of The Tiger"" at the drivethru"

"What's the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't walk around Dublin thinking he's Bono"

"When I die I want to invite my college group mates to my funeral and have them bury me So they can let me down one last time"

"What does an Alzheimer's patient say whenever they browse /r/funny? ""Hey, this looks new!"""

"If your Facebook picture is a photo of a sunset or something inanimate, I'll assume you have a dissociative identity disorder."