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Joke of the Day

"One day my GPS is gonna say, ""You should know this one by now"" and shut off."

"So I'm banging this chick and she looks back and me and says, ""DADDY I'm CUMMINGGG"".... So I say ""Hi Cumming, I'm Dad""."

"I have the perfect body of a 21 year old female... It's in a freezer in my basement"

"What do you call it when you flip a quarter and it lands on its edge. *coin*cidence"

"What is Hitler's least favourite Christmas song? All I Want From Christmas Is Jew"

"Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: Because they don't know where home is."

"What does Ebenezer Scrooge serve at his Christmas Party? Humburgers!"

"How many eggs do the French use in their omelettes? Just one, because in France one egg is un oeuf."

"Local news is like Facebook. You get stories you don't care about, some jerk talks about weather and it all ends with pictures of animals doing funny stuff."

"They had to shut down the T-Rex cloning program at the Oedipus Complex. It was on the news this morning. Apparently, the entire staff was eaten by mother-fucking dinosaurs."