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Joke of the Day

"Local news is like Facebook. You get stories you don't care about, some jerk talks about weather and it all ends with pictures of animals doing funny stuff."

"What does Eminem and a Tumblr SJW have in common? ""See they can trigger me, but they'll never figure me out"""

"My girlfriend caught me cross-dressing So I packed up her clothes and left"

"Have you heard about the dating site for radical jihadists? It's called ""Our Timer"""

"What do you call a handjob from a midget? A jump and touch."

"I knew you were trouble when you said you didn't drink."

"What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, They're both stuck up cunts!"

"She thinks I drink all day when she's at work. I don't... I stop just before she gets home"

"Why was Henry the Eighth so fat? Because he Tudor house."

"[giant fork knocks at my door] ""Excuse me sir do you have any spoons?"" [a family of spoons are cowering in my kitchen drawer] ""um...no sir?"""