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Joke of the Day

"Teacher ""Hi, why are you here?"" Me ""Um, isn't this the beginners' philosophy class?"" Teacher ""Yes and you're off to a really bad start."""

"At Walmart checkout other day:Cashier: ""you have a dog?"" Scanning dog food.Hubz: No, our kid needs the protein."

"Told my boss the salary I want when I move to California. Him: so you want the moon and all the stars too? Me: and Saturn."

"His wife caught him trying on a white and gold dress... ""it's not what it looks like"", said he"

"What's the difference between a lobster with big boobs and a greyhound bus stop? One is a crusty bus station, one is a busty crustacean."

"Bernie Sanders is such a socialist... ...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa."

"Did you know diarrhea is a genetic disorder? It runs in your jeans."

"A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a Shih Tzu."

"Dumb blondes Why does a dumb blonde have a deep bellybutton? They probably have dumb boyfriends too !"

"My first workout back at the gym was great... I did 15 mins of cardio, 10 mins on the defibrillator, and then 3 days in the hospital."