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Joke of the Day

"If you only had 1% battery left on your phone, what would you tweet? Because clearly we'd still tweet."

"Social media is great. Before Facebook I'd never know what the girl who wrote ""dirty Jew"" on my 8th grade locker was thankful for this year."

"You look so perfect standing there, In my American Apparel underwear, But I know now you probably opened the wrong Christmas present grandma"

"I heard today that Stevie Wonder was getting a divorce, so sad he didn't even see it coming."

"I saw a guy holding a TV I was walking down the street, when I saw a black guy holding a TV. I thought ""holy shit, is that mine?"" I went home to check. But nah, mine was at home polishing my shoes."

"So, a cheerleader walks into a Starbucks... and shouts, ""gimme a tea!"""

"My son and I play a game where he talks all day and I bang my head against a wall."

"Knock Knock.. Who's there? Knock Knock.. Who's there? Knock Knock.. Who's there? Open the door! I'm the pilot."

"Which course did Hillary Clinton select when playing Mario Kart? The short circuit"

"I was recently asked if I'd judge Mr. gay UK. I said ''It wouId be my pIeasure. It's against nature, against God, and he's going to heII.'' - Jimmy Carr"