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Joke of the Day

"Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise"

"""Why don't you have kids yet?"" is a great question, ma'am, but I'm saving that conversation for the right total stranger at this gym."

"I saw a beaver movie last night. And it was the best dam movie I'd ever seen."

"4-year-old: We're playing Star Wars. I'm a Jedi and Mom is a stormtrooper. Me: What am I? 4-year-old: In the way."

"I had my first tweet stolen so now I understand the pain and suffering the families of kidnap victims endure. Stay strong Amy Smart."

"Why do they call it a pap smear? How many chicks do you know that would turn up for a cunt scrape?"

"When toddlers get naked and run around giggling, it's ""cute"" and ""funny"" ...but when I do it, I'm ""drunk"" and ""not allowed back in Target"""

"Q: What did the Spanish farmer say to his chickens? A: Oh-lay!"

"A girl to her friend... ""isn't that guy hot? I am gonna ask him out"" ""he doesn't look good when he laugh"" - said the other girl ""don't worry, he won't laugh anymore"""

"*classic 90's sitcom where sister is taking too long in the bathroom* Sister: hold on I'm taking a big shit. *theme music plays*"