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Joke of the Day

"I had my first tweet stolen so now I understand the pain and suffering the families of kidnap victims endure. Stay strong Amy Smart."

"My neighbor and I are really close. We call each other things like bro, man, dude, boss... We don't know each other's name."

"I had surgery to change myself from Asian to Caucasian. It was a real eye opening experience"

"OMG!! Ellen Degeneras drowned last night! They found her face down in Rikki Lake!"

"Dad always said ""Time to hit the sack!"" before bed. Not sure how getting punched in the testicles helped him sleep, but that was just dad."

"My friend used my todo list to roll a blunt He's high on my list of priorities"

"How can you tell if a black guy is well hung? You can't fit your finger between the noose and his neck."

"her: the manager of the McDonalds down the street called today... him: [sitting on couch next to Ronald McDonald statue] Did he sound mad?"

"Dance like the picture's not being tagged. Love like you've never been unfriended. Tweet like no one's following."

"[job interview] ""So what are your goals for working here?"" To be home by 5"