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Joke of the Day

"Did you know when a man masturbates he generates 5 BTU of energy.. So if you had 5000 men in a room masturbating, it would be extremely gay."

"Today I learned my laser pointer can go all the way to the bar across the street. Drunk people still think there's a sniper somewhere."

"A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually."

"Google in the 80s ""I'm sorry, did you mean to search for *Deaf Leopard*?"""

"HI MOM. YOU'RE GONNA BE SO PROUD. I JUST WON AN ARGUMENT ON THE INTERNET. Sorry caps lock was still on from the argument. But I won."

"People say his actions move people to tears. well I wasn't aware he was rapist."

"why do i wish my lawn was an emo ? SO it would cut itself"

"Ladies, never buy Activia yogurt because the rest of us are in line behind you thinking ""Awww, that poor girl can't shit without yogurt!"""

"Did you hear about the new Marvel superhero movie about the guy who kills villains with bad jokes? It's called The Pun-isher."

"They are writing a biography about my dick Ok. Ok. A pamphlet."