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Joke of the Day

"I was suddenly awoken with a blowjob this morning. That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open."

"Knock Knock ...who's there? Smell mop Smell mop who?"

"*shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: I have married the crab. Day 3: I have eaten my wife."

"My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized"

"Somehow, I must have switched shopping carts while I was at the store. I don't remember buying any of this stuff. Or having an Asian baby."

"*counting sheep before bed* *jesus walks in your room* ""I noticed there weren't any black sheep. what's up man. we gonna have a problem?"""

"Who loves fast food? Jared fogle"

"The Better Paleo Diet I'm on the Paleo diet, except I'm the caveman who discovered Snickers."

"A broke baker goes into a bar the bartender asks him for a joke for a payment for the beer The baker is sad because he can only do buns"

"A horse walks into a bar The bartender asks, ""why the long face?"""