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Joke of the Day

"I ought to start doing more with my weekends than just sit at home drinking beer, jacking off to porno mags and playing minesweeper. I do enough of those things at work."

"ELI5: Why do we blink subconsciously? You aren't now!"

"My Russian mate does not care about anyone. His name is Yukanol Fukov."

"The last time I refused a beer... I misunderstood the question"

"When is the only appropriate time to spit in an Italian woman's face? When her mustache is on fire!"

"""How about a scarf?"" - Johnny Depp's stylist every day."

"Worst thing to ask a gay man during an argument? Why so butthurt?"

"My credit has gotten so bad... ...that Mastercard started sending me bills in Spanish."

"Fear Factor would have been much scarier if it had just been people in their twenties trying to figure out how to have careers"

"How do you make five pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it!"