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Joke of the Day

"How do you make five pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it!"

"Her: So what do you do? Him: I'm a pickup artist. Her: Pig! [leaves] Him: *sighs* [puts away prints of exquisitely painted Ford F-150s]"

"What did the white collar executive say to the low-income disenfranchised youth? Nothing. Social dichotomy prevents the establishment of dialogue."

"My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed."

"What's the difference between a refugee and E.T? E.T learned English and wanted to go home."

"Audltery We used to brand women with the Scarlet Letter (A)...now we celebrate Ashley Madison"

"Why did the psychic get fired? Because she didn't see it coming."

"David Cameron that there is a joke all on its own"

"Why did the bat miss the bus? Because he hung around for too long."

"I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well."