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Joke of the Day

"I pointed to two old drunks across the bar from us and told my mate ""That'll be us in ten years...."" He replied, ""That's a mirror, you dick-head""."

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"Why did man invent the shipping cart? To teach women how to stand on their hind legs."
"*wakes up drenched in sweat* WAS BINGO THE FARMER OR THE DOG?"
"What do you call porn with transgender midgets? Micro trans action."
"A feminist's view point. Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Feminist: The glass is being raped."
"Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September people say ""Wow is it Halloween already?"""
"Have you seen the new recycling center around here? No? But you're already in /r/jokes"
"The biggest joke of 2015.. When you have Donald Trump, Hilary Clinton, and Deez Nuts running for President."
"This vacuum has amazing suction but no respect for my safe word."
"An Irishman meets a.... Latvian. No potato. Both die. Is end."