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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the contest that awarded the winner with a cat? It was a catastrophe."

"Research shows that masturbation is one of the main causes of acne. Also, acne is the main cause of masturbation."

"""So where are you from?"" - I'm a Liberian ""Oh sorry *whispers* where are you from?"""

"What do you get when you mix a monkey and a midget? Tom Cruise"

"[interview for an accounting job] Your resume says your greatest strength is using idioms. How can that help in this job? ""You do the math"""

"She's so fat, she fell down and rocked herself to sleep trying to get up!"

"What do you call a homeless Italian man? Giovanni Change"

"So a termite walks into a bar and asks ""Is the bar tender here?"""

"Willpower? Sure. It's in the garage with my unicorn."

"Fails drug test. Adds ""Positive"" Person to resume."