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Joke of the Day

"That old expression: ""hold the phone!"" doesn't work anymore because everyone is already doing that"

"I just burned 2000 calories! That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven and take a nap."

"Why do people browse reddit on the toilet? For shits n' giggles."

"I'm so hungover that my thoughts sound like Sylvester Stallone."

"My Roommate wanted me to play the popular game Fuck, Marry, Kill... But now I am confused. What should I do with my husband's dead body?"

"When your body is a solid 10 But your intro and conclusion need work"

"How many beans are in Irish Chili? 239, because if there was 1 more it would be ""Too Farty""."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue drinking tea? Because he didn't wait for it to be cool."

"Why did the Wise Man get 25 to life? Myrrhder"

"I just crashed into the back of a dwarf driver.... He gets out of the car inspects the rear bumper and goes up my window. ""I'm not happy"" he said ""well which one are you then?"""