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Joke of the Day

"Ruin a date in 5 words... Does this smell like chloroform?"

"The hot lady across the street had a seizure on her front lawn today. Her MILF shakes brought the paramedics to the yard."

"Why Are Jews Considered Optimists? They cut a little off before they know how big it's going to be."

"Girl meets boy Girl: What do you do for a living? Man: I work with animals. Girl: Aw, thats so cute! ... Man, 30yrs, butcher."

"An elder man is annoyingly telling a chef how to BBQ. Then the chef says ""you want us to switch positions? You come cook and I go and fuck off"""

"Friday night is my weekly time to ponder...which do I hate more: my friends, or having to make new friends?"

"I wish I had the confidence in humanity that Guinness had when they bought a 9,000 year lease."

"Why'd the factory worker hate their job? Because it was soda pressing."

"Why did Night fall? Because Day tripped him."

"Dreading the day that all my present and past roommates figure out that I haven't bought my own body wash in 10 years."