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Joke of the Day

"They say 1in every 3 people cheat in a relationship. I'm not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend."

"""Grandpa, when did you know grandma was the one?"" When her sister dumped me."

"Twitter is considering a 10,000-character limit for tweets. Well, there goes the neighborhood."

"I'm going to open a bank ... ... with a clawbar!"

"What did the man who survived a javelin headwound say to his opponent? Thanks for opening my mind."

"Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo."

"Why didn't the shrimp share his food?? He was a little shellfish"

"I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard."

"What has the Middle East and Kim Kardashian's ass got in common? Both are massive, have oil and have been invaded by the west."

"if the gas station is 2 miles away.. ..and my dad's car can travel at 60mph, why hasn't he returned from getting cigarettes after 6 years?"