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Joke of the Day

"if the gas station is 2 miles away.. ..and my dad's car can travel at 60mph, why hasn't he returned from getting cigarettes after 6 years?"

"In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen."

"Whats the difference between an environmentalist and a dog sitting in the rain? eventually the dog sitting in the rain will stop whinging."

"What was Charles Dickens' favourite experimental pop album? It was the best of Grimes..."

"My dog was diagnosed with diabetes. Its okay though, I only had to give her one shot. I chose a .357 magnum."

"Why doesn't Santa Claus have any kids? Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down a chimney."

"Women can't go to heaven Because God said there would be peace in heaven."

"Do you remember when the most annoying thing on the Internet was a dancing baby? Yeah, good times"

"And the Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and receive eternal life."" But John came in fifth and won a toaster."

"My girlfriends nervous about giving birth. I said don't worry, women have been doing it for over 100,000 years.. .. Or in the case of Republicans, women have been doing it for 6,000 years or less"