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Joke of the Day

"I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard."

"There's a lot of pretty woman at spring because during other seasons you appreciate them with your brain."

"What Supreme Court decision applies to fishermen bringing a small boat to shore? Row v. Wade"

"Doctor doctor I'm having difficulty sleeping. Doctor: Well maybe it's your bed. Oh I'm all right at night it's in the day I have problems."

"What do you call it when a hooker farts? A prosti-toot"

"Excuse miss can you tell me does this rag smell like chloroform?"

"Some days, my only goal that seems attainable is dying in a way so spectacular they name a new piece of protective legislation after me."

"What did the Italian chef say when asked, ""How do make these triangular meatballs taste so good?"" *stereotypical Italian accent* I sauce-a these"

"If life gives you melons... You might be dyslexic"

"*buying teacher's gifts* 7: Mrs. J said she hates candles. Me: {recalling mountain of homework every night} Pumpkin Spice Candle it is then!"