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Joke of the Day

"Aw, I would love to keep up with the Kardashians. But being a 'pregnant-solar-powered-douche-magnet' is an art form I haven't yet perfected."

"Q: How can you identify an Irish pirate? A: He's the one with patches over both eyes."

"what do you call a Canadian alien? ehh lmao"

"If at first you don't succeed . . . don't try skydiving."

"MurphySnowden Law of Fluid Dynamics Everything leaks out eventually."

"Sucks how Caesar died... ...Who knew he was allergic to knives?!"

"I cant comprehend constipation That shit is too deep"

"What does a gay women look for in a man? Lesbi-honest, they don't."

"A rusted van sits under a bridge. Rats gnaw on moldy Scooby Snacks. Shaggy takes a hit off the pipe. ""WHY COULDN'T YOU LOVE ME VELMA?"""

"It was a shame King Henry VIII had a lisp, it made it quite difficult for him to order his wives coffee. ""I'll have them decapitated"""