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Joke of the Day

"having sex for pleasure Apart from humans, the only creature that has sex for pleasure is the dolphin. I had to shag a lot of animals to find that out."

"Why is your optometrist gay? They love people who can't see straight!"

"What does the quantum duck say? Quark Quark"

"Never hide regular cocaine in your butt Charges will get elevated to possession of crack cocaine"

"What should PMS be called? Ovary-acting"

"Even my cats are sick of the snow..They meow to go out..I open the door..and they freeze and look at me like ""WHY is this shit still here?"""

"Aquafina is Spanish for ""tap water in a plastic bottle"""

"When people show me pictures of their kids, I show them pictures of my exes If I have to look at their mistakes, they have to look at mine."

"Did you hear about the blackout? Don't worry, they caught him."

"Pretty disappointed to find out that ""Toys for Tots"" isn't a program where I trade my kids's toys for delicious tater tots."