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Joke of the Day
"What does Light Yagami drink at the bar? Tekira!"
Next Joke
"I like my women like I like my beer: I'm so fucking lonely."
"Let my son leave the house today wearing a striped shirt and plaid shorts. I'm done, he's natural selections problem now."
"Why did Simba's dad die? Because he didn't Muv-fasta"
"Ugh your paleontologist friend is coming? He's so boring! Don't worry, I have a plan to keep him distracted *pulls out seven layer dip*"
"What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung? The guardians of the galaxy!"
"I have the body of a god Shame it's Buddha"
"I like my buttcheeks like how i like my babies Clean"
"[job interview] How did you lose your last job? ""I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future."" Sir, this is McDonald's."
"That tweet is awesome. You guys are awesome. Twitter is awesome. I've made awesome friends on Twitter. A thesaurus would be awesome."