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Joke of the Day

"Girl said she wanted to have my babies so I invited her over. But she didn't look happy when I told her to put them to bed by 8 and went out"

"[meets a cute girl from Scotland] ""Ummm hi your people make fantastic tape"""

"Nobody in Yemen likes the Flintstones. Which is funny, because people of Abu Dhabi do."

"What do you call a deer with a missing eye? I have no fucking eye deer."

"TIFU by installing the incorrect speaker parts in my car Oops, wrong sub!"

"So an electric pole fell on my head today I couldn't believe it cause it was so shocking"

"[Brings a snowball to a work meeting and tosses it at boss] I'm not trying to disprove the theory of global warming I just don't like you."

"What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaaiiinnss."

"Your ass must get jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth!"

"So my girlfriend told me her dog ate some tampons... I told her to call the vet, maybe they can pull some strings."