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Joke of the Day

"Look at me! I'm a morning person! Let's work out! Get worms! Drive garbage trucks! Use exclamation points!"

"How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, no light bulb dare go out in the presence of Chuck Norris."

"Any party is an ugly sweater party if you're ugly and you sweat a lot"

"Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one *tale*"

"Two muffins are baking in an oven ... And one muffin turns to the other one and says, ""Wow, it's pretty darn hot in here."" The other muffin says, ""Holy shit! A talking muffin!"""

"I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"Am I a bad person of I am skeptical of a guy with a ""Need Help - God Bless"" sign on an iPad 2?"

"What do you call someone who sells sex in exchange for spaghetti? A pastatute."

"When it comes to penis size I'm happy to report that I'm actually a little above average. Thank god for Asians."

"I am a damn good electrician Otherwise I would be dead"