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Joke of the Day

"Did you know there is one colour that can time travel? It can only go to the fuchsia."

"What do you call a mathematician who drinks too much? A functioning alcoholic."

"A man has been shot with a starting pistol... The police are pretty sure it's race related."

"[1st date] HER: do you like charades? MIME: [thumbs up] HER: well? MIME: [nodding 'yes'] HER: hello? MIME: [shooting self with finger gun]"

"I love the F5 key... It's very refreshing."

"How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had? He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi..."

"I hate jokes about jewish people because my grandpa died in auschwitz! he got drunk and fell off the watchtower...."

"What did they name a mountain nobody gives a shit about? Moot Point"

"What do we want? TO BE LESS INSECURE? When do we want it? NOW! Um, I think... Soon, I guess? Is that weird? When do people usually want it?"

"What's the only thing politicians stand for? Reelection."