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Joke of the Day

"My fourth grade teacher told me I would use cursive at least once a week, but she was wrong. I use it every day when food is delivered to my house."

Next Joke
 
"your future"
"I'm gonna name my daughter Retarded So I can say yes whenever someone asks me if I am fucking retarded"
"""Damn girl are you a dam, girl? Cuz your water just broke haha"" yes we will go to the hospital in a minute honey, jesus christ im tweeting"
"""My wife worked a 12-hour day and I asked what was for dinner"" I explain to the other homeless people."
"one time my dad walked in on me smoking an E cig and made me eat a whole pack of batteries"
"I was feeling great about myself when I saw my number on the womens bathroom wall 'for a good time'. Then I recognized my hand writing."
"The only way to open a pack of toilet paper is to fingerblast a hole through the plastic in one of the roll hollows."
"If a family's last name is Smear, do the kids call their grandpa Pap Smear?"
"In 1969 we put a man on the moon... In 2016 we put a man in the ladies restroom."