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Joke of the Day

"In 1969 we put a man on the moon... In 2016 we put a man in the ladies restroom."

"I don't think any of us would have made it to a life boat on Titanic."

"Cop: Whatever you say will be held against you. Me: TEDDYBEARS Cop: Aww."

"1. Put ""Out of Order"" sign on a staircase. 2. Wait until someone says, ""Stairs can't be out of order!"" and uses them. 3. Release the bees."

"It's rude to upstage the bride on her wedding day but that's exactly what's going to happen when I burst into flames as I enter the church."

"If you are hotter than me, wouldn't that make me cooler than you."

"July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not."

"I'm getting tired of riding to work from New Jersey to Manhattan with my neighbors I guess I'm getting Carpool Tunnel syndrome"

"99% of my socks are single and you don't see them crying about it."

"How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2 . One to screw it in and another to say, ""I could do that""."