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Joke of the Day

"I was just adoringly watching my dog sleep and he woke up and caught me and now he thinks I'm some stalker weirdo."

"Nice guys finish last Which is quite unfortunate, given that nice guys finish last"

"Did you know Elvis used to have a boat called the ""Jailhouse""? That fucking thing rocked."

"Do you think the rattlesnake is ever embarrassed that he has a stupid baby toy at the end of his string body"

"What has two legs and bleeds a lot? Half a cat"

"If you're in a Mexican prison, ""Jesus loves you"" might not be very comforting words..."

"Why could 8 see that 6 was afraid of 7? Because 7 was mean. Get it?^Because ^6+7+8 ^^divided ^^by ^^3 ^^equals ^^7"

"My friend thanked me for inviting him along to Fight Club. I replied ""Don't mention it."""

"What do you name a dog with no legs? ""Cigarette"" because you take him out for a drag."

"how do you get 100 babies in a trash can? blender!... how do you get them back out? ... doritos!"