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Joke of the Day

"What does a terrorist and a cue ball have in common? The harder you hit them the more english you get."

"Is there absolutely nothing in your pocket or are you just sad to see me?"

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo? I've never had a garbanzo on my face."

"I once asked my girlfriend if she was a newspaper. Because there's a new issue with her every fucking day."

"Did you hear about the amputee that came in last on Jeopardy? He was stumped."

"Did you know that by today's standards Marilyn Monroe would be considered dead?"

"Why did the English major break up with the pilot? Because the pilot kept ending sentences with a preposition, over."

"God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems."

"My daughter said she wants to run away. We talked. She knows she can walk. I wont chase her."

"I'm still disappointed that The Phantom Menace was never nominated for an Academy Award... ...for Best Animated Film."