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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I'll casually say ""what else do you want?"" on the phone, so the pizza guy thinks I'm ordering for more than just me."

"Every girl I bring home is unemployed, drunk and on drugs. I'm starting to think that whole ""opposites attract"" thing is bullshit."

"""Ameh."" ~ Atheists at the end of a prayer"

"Today I made an immigration officer laugh He was borderline hysterical."

"i dont care if people dislike me, but if a pet ignores me, i will hit them up nonstop & keep changing my look drastically until they love me"

"All this negativity in the world and I still remain Positive! -Magic Johnson"

"Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood..."

"Nomenclature is important when courting a lady. For example, ""feminine scent"" and ""feminine odor"" are perceived differently. You're welcome."

"friend: Are you eating a whole frozen pizza by yourself? me: It was on sale for $4 friend: I wasnt asking because I thought it was expensive"

"Great minds think alike... That's why we have so many opinions in America"