80428

Joke of the Day

"Forever Alone Barbie: Comes with 20 cats, and a Twitter account. Alcoholism and debilitating depression not included."

"I tried to donate a kidney once... ...they wouldn't take it though because I wouldn't tell them where I got it."

"""Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' I asked. ""It's not unusual"", he replied."

"They should really replace, ""I now pronounce you man and wife"" with ""FINISH HIM!!"""

"I ate 23k pounds of cream cheese yesterday. BUT, there were nuts in it and I yelled FITFAM the whole time so technically it was health food"

"I just had a nice lunch in the park; homeless people don't have it so bad after all."

"How do you stop a taliban tank ? Shoot the Guy Pushing it"

"What is any guy's dream first job? A blowjob"

"I just tried out the Samsung Gear-VR with my Note 7. It was mind-blowing."

"I dated a lizard once but he had a-reptile dysfunction so it didn't work out."