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Joke of the Day

"My companies biggest customer is the state of Missouri. I guess it's safe to say Missouri loves my company."

"How do you know you have a high sperm count? Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows."

"Chemistry teacher: What is Nitrate? Girl: My place, 250...your place 400!"

"A cop asked me if I was high last night. I was on my balcony at my apartment and told him, ""For being three floors up higher than you, I'd say I am!"""

"My husband suggested I tone down the Botox and just age gracefully. And I laughed and laughed. But didn't scowl. Cuz Botox."

"What do you call a pothead with two spliffs? Double jointed"

"Did you hear about the man that slept on corduroy pillow? No? I'm surprised, it made headlines!"

"The real reason humans have two hands? Two boobs."

"A long time ago, I learned the importance of just being myself. I think the world would be a better place if everyone would just be myself."

"I'm watching my 4 year old son give my 1 year old a hammer. He is so irresponsible."