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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: do you have any final questions? Me: HYPOTHETICALLY, what happens to people who drink on their lunch breaks?"

"If someone is bothering you with unneccessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad ""iPhone 5S for $1 only"""

"I punched Dwayne Johnson in the butt... I guess I hit rock bottom **ba-dum-tss**"

"My dog left me christmas present under the tree I had to clean it up"

"No Twitter crush. I have a twitter boyfriend who I intend to marry and have twitter babies. Then twitter divorce and take all his followers."

"""I hope they bought enough beer so they won't notice how much I'm drinking"" -My prayer as I pull into my parents driveway"

"[after moving into a haunted house] *setting up potters wheel* OH NO WHO WILL HELP ME LEARN POTTERY *sitting in silence for 40mins*"

"Black people are way more susceptible to diabetes. That's not racist, it's a medical fact. Now if I said ""hide your wallets, there's diabetes patients around here,"" that would be racist."

"News flash: Chapters truck caught speeding Police reported, ""It was really booking it!"""

"Geez guys Not all Muslims are ISIS... Some are Al-Qaaeda or Taliban."