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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a man with news paper down his pants Russel"
Next Joke
"What has four wheels and flies? My dead grandmother."
"""Mommy, Mommy - I hate walking around in circles!"" ""Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor..."""
"Store Sign: ""WE HAVE MACE"" Think that's going to keep me from shopping here?"
"Pots and pans set: $70. Wrapping paper: $5. Tape: $3. Watching your mother unbox and attempt to wrap said pots and pans: priceless."
"A homeless man staggers into a bar Plot twist... it was soap. He landed a lucrative job shortly thereafter and started sweeping his problems under the rug like the rest of us."
"My son wanted to go whale watching for his birthday. So we sat outside McDonald's."
"[Worm sitting alone] WAITER: Dinner for 1? Dumb question W: But- *worm cuts self in half* *waiter shrieks* 2nd WORM: I'll have the prime rib"
"My boss told me to dress for the job I want; not the job I have. I'm now in a disciplinary meeting for wearing my Batman costume to work."
"Buddy Valastro wears too much makeup. He seriously cakes it on. aaaaaand I'm leaving so fast I forgot my shoes."