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Joke of the Day

"*walks by HR door for 11th time to see if she's not there so I can take some candy off her desk* HR: Do you need something Josh? me: Nope"

"I hate scrubbing the floor It's beneath me."

"What movie did Ray Charles go to see in 1993? Jurassic Dark"

"What's the most fucked up thing you can do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet!"

"Do you know why I hate drinking with blind people? They can't handle their liquor--They always black out"

"If you enjoy arguing about lunches at 6 AM I can't recommend parenting highly enough."

"Why did Jimmy take a ruler to bed? To see how long he slept for."

"I can't see how this day could get any worse. First, my baby cousin went missing... And now my pet snake has a huge tumor"

"Is your refrigerator running? Because I would vote for it."

"The Men's Room... where all the dicks hang out."