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Joke of the Day

"What's the most fucked up thing you can do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet!"

"My lasagna just took a picture of me and posted it on Instagram"

"Mom asked about a stock she's owned for 20yrs called Amazon & I've mostly been telling her I love her & reminding her my brother never calls"

"Have fun, but be careful. Your sister was vacuumed up last week, and yesterday your cousin was killed with a shoe. - spider moms, probably"

"My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together. I sh!t you knot."

"I was going to tell you a joke about an injured deer... ...but it would have been lame."

"im a fruad. i wear the wrangler jeans despite never having wrangled a single goddamn thing in my life"

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Matt"

"Did you hear about the dispensary that was selling suppositories? It turns out they were just blowing smoke up everyone's ass."

"Date advice to women from a guy: Laughing makes you 100 times more attractive than makeup."