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Joke of the Day

"The question is not what am I doing in your house, the question is why are you home from work early?"

"How do you bid farewell to a sexually open Arctic animal with a mental disorder. ""Bye bye bi bipolar polar bear!"""

"What is the definition of a good farmer? A man outstanding in his field."

"I've accepted that my brother is never paying back that money I loaned him... I've lost interest, and I'm just giving up on the principal."

"What are the 2 rules of success? No1 : Don't tell everything you know."

"What are Brazilian fans called? Brazil nuts!"

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. They are very efficient, and have no sense of humor."

"A lot of people tend to say life is like a rollercoaster. It is! Specifically the Smiler in Alton Towers. You start out with nervous excitement and by the end of it you need new knees."

"[ First Date ] Her: So you're a MMA fighter? * flashback to me kickboxing a mannequin at Nordstrom's * Me: Yea, I'm still training"

"Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the day... Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."