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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *thwack* fuck... A skydiver goes FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- *THWACK*"

"I'm not saying you're a jackass but... You're the kind of guy who would buy Anne Frank a drum set."

"How do you get Reddit to improve their search function? Have CNN report on how bad it is"

"How much wood would Steve Winwood win if Steve Winwood could win wood?"

"Mickey Mouse ""Doc, my knees hurt!"" Doctor: Which knee? Mickey: Disney"

"Starting to carry a clipboard at work just to let folks know I'm not fucking around about shit anymore."

"A blonde was asked why her list skipped every other number... She replied I can't even"

"How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb? I don't know, but my basement's still dark"

"Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No ideer. Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? A: Still no ideer"

"Why did the Arabic man ask for her hand in marriage? Because she stole his heart"