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Joke of the Day

"Mickey Mouse ""Doc, my knees hurt!"" Doctor: Which knee? Mickey: Disney"

"Why didn't the Marshmallow Peep cross the road on Easter? Because it was a little chicken."

"I don't like my new hair cut... But it's growing on me."

"My ambition is to be the last man on earth so that I can find out if all those girls were telling the truth."

"All I got for Christmas was a sweater, I would've preferred a moaner or a biter."

"What do you call an octopus that loves jokes? A knock-knocktopus."

"I'm going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep"

"""Women are crazy!"" ""Did one try to murder you unprovoked?"" ""No I just disappeared from her life with no notice & she went all PSYCHO on me."""

"I hope that Senator Franken runs for President in 2020 and picks Jill Stein as his running mate That'd be a real Franken/Stein ticket"

"Birthdays are good for us... Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest."