79872

Joke of the Day

"In what sport to balls go flying around at speeds of up to 150 miles per hour? Jogging"

"Dating must've been so easy for cavemen. This my cave. This my fire. You like rock? I have many."

"So I finally got Pokemon GO... I still haven't caught any Counter-Terrorists."

"How do I know we are going to have sex tonight? Because, I'm stronger then you are."

"If you send multiple one sentence texts, I will mail a raccoon to your face I'm not kidding."

"You know the fly was really close to being called a land... Because that's what it does half the time. RIP Mitch Hedberg"

"""How about a scarf?"" - Johnny Depp's stylist every day."

"I'm not fat, i'm half-Bulemic. I eat everything i see, but i can't throw up."

"INTERVIEWER: thank u, those are all my questions. do u hav any questions for us ME: yes...why do i want this job INTERVIEWER: [starts sweatig]"

"I always hit ""ignore call"" with my middle finger."