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Joke of the Day

"My city has been putting in tons of toll booths. Yesterday I had to pay ten cents before they'd let me pass through an intersection! At least I was able to turn on a dime."

"What does a hardware salesman do on a one night stand? He nuts and bolts."

"Hey Guys! They brought back Angry Beavers! Isn't it great? Its been renamed to The View, however..."

"1. Go to the vets 2. Tell them your fish is poorly 3. Put a fish finger on the examining table 4. Do a sad face"

"What do you call the Scottish dentist ? Phil McCavity !"

"*gets pulled over* Do you know how fast you were going? *pulls string* *inflates emergency mustache* Oh sorry officer. You're free to go."

"So, I heard a celebrity was stabbed the other day... It was Reece something... Reece... Witherspoon? No, with a knife!"

"What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic? A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. ~ Infinite Jest, by DFW"

"It's because you have a penis for a face... Oh, I thought you asked me why no one likes you."

"I always keep an old key and a map with random X's all over it in my pocket so that shortly after my death occurs a treasure hunt ensues."