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Joke of the Day

"My city has been putting in tons of toll booths. Yesterday I had to pay ten cents before they'd let me pass through an intersection! At least I was able to turn on a dime."

"Q: What does an Irishman have for dinner? A: Starvation. Q: And what does he have for dessert? A: Ethnic cleansing."

"Diet and exercise pro tip: Eat only on the days you are going to have sex."

"Why is God happy? Because every women call his name during sex."

"Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down... You have my Word."

"What musical instrument can be found in nearly every Bathroom? ... ... A tuba toothpaste."

"DIVORCE & CIRCUMCISION Q: What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision? A: In a divorce, you get rid of the whole schmuck."

"What do you call a deer... without eyes? No eye deer. without eyes or legs? Still no eye deer. without eyes, legs, or genitalia? Still no fucking eye deer."

"Starbucks puts the fee in coffee"

"[highspeed chase] ANCIENT GREEK COP: Damn they're getting away *turns on Siren* [several nearby ships are lured to their doom]"