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Joke of the Day

"My city has been putting in tons of toll booths. Yesterday I had to pay ten cents before they'd let me pass through an intersection! At least I was able to turn on a dime."

"[with father in law] ""You know how to pluck a goose, son?"" Er yes sir, sure do *stretches goose's neck and plays it like a double bass*"

"I really only know one thing about Ebola. For some reason, it makes you really wanna go to the airport."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it won't come anyways."

"A preachers son told him he was an atheist the preacher accepted it and was very supportive."

"What is cleverer than a talking cat ? A spelling bee !"

"[NSFW] What did the sperm say to the egg? Cum with me if you want to live."

"Stop leaving the freezer door open! This is why we can't have ice things."

"Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity."

"42.7 percent of all statistics... ...are made up on the spot."